Part One: BECOMING AWARE
1. The hidden power of porn
2. First encounters
3. The porn relationship
4. To see or not to see - the consequence of porn
5. Partners in pain
6. Hitting bottom
1. The hidden power of porn
2. First encounters
3. The porn relationship
4. To see or not to see - the consequence of porn
5. Partners in pain
6. Hitting bottom
Part Two: HEALING
7. Getting motivated to quit porn
8. Six basic action steps
9. Handling and preventing relapses
10. Healing as a couple
11. A new approach to sex
12. True freedom and fullfilment
7. Getting motivated to quit porn
8. Six basic action steps
9. Handling and preventing relapses
10. Healing as a couple
11. A new approach to sex
12. True freedom and fullfilment
Introduction:
* 25 years ago porn wasn't a problem
* Therapist used to recommend x rated and pornographic movie to help intimacy
* this view changed in mid 1990
* porn begin to offer object of desire
* ready availability of porn on Internet and promise of easy, commitment free sexual gratification
* anonymous access of porn
Purpose of book:
* identify and evaluate the impact of porn
* decide whether it's time to quit
* how to stop using porn and dealing with cravings
* rebuild self esteem and restore personal integrity
* heal a relationship
* develop a satisfying sex life
* 25 years ago porn wasn't a problem
* Therapist used to recommend x rated and pornographic movie to help intimacy
* this view changed in mid 1990
* porn begin to offer object of desire
* ready availability of porn on Internet and promise of easy, commitment free sexual gratification
* anonymous access of porn
Purpose of book:
* identify and evaluate the impact of porn
* decide whether it's time to quit
* how to stop using porn and dealing with cravings
* rebuild self esteem and restore personal integrity
* heal a relationship
* develop a satisfying sex life
Chapter 1 The hidden power of porn
* Porn defies clear definition
* the super highway to porn
* porn delivers
- instant sexual turn on
- drug like euphoria
- power trip - feeling of under my control
- slot machine excitement
- love affair
* the bad outweighs the good
- Conflict with values, integrity in a relationship, upset and compete with an intimate partner
* Porn defies clear definition
* the super highway to porn
* porn delivers
- instant sexual turn on
- drug like euphoria
- power trip - feeling of under my control
- slot machine excitement
- love affair
* the bad outweighs the good
- Conflict with values, integrity in a relationship, upset and compete with an intimate partner
Chapter 2 first encounters
* it's easy for us to come in contact with porn as kids
* we are all react differently that first time
* our parents reactions can make matters worse
* question: when did you first encounter pornography?
* kids continue to use porn for different reasons
- learning about sex
- belonging to a group
- sexual permission and pleasure - everything want to fit in and feel normal
- make the mental pain go away
* it's easy for us to come in contact with porn as kids
* we are all react differently that first time
* our parents reactions can make matters worse
* question: when did you first encounter pornography?
* kids continue to use porn for different reasons
- learning about sex
- belonging to a group
- sexual permission and pleasure - everything want to fit in and feel normal
- make the mental pain go away
Chapter 3 The porn relationship
* drifting away from porn - inhibiting factors
- 1. A personal dislike
- 2. Limited contact
- 3. Sexually secure and satisfied
- 4. Wanting emotional intimacy
- questions: what moves me away from porn
* getting deeper into porn - accelerating factors
- 1. A strong pleasure bond with porn
- 2. Frequent and unrestricted access
- 3. medicating distress with porn
- 4. Difficulty with intimacy
- question: what takes me deeper into porn ?
* drifting away from porn - inhibiting factors
- 1. A personal dislike
- 2. Limited contact
- 3. Sexually secure and satisfied
- 4. Wanting emotional intimacy
- questions: what moves me away from porn
* getting deeper into porn - accelerating factors
- 1. A strong pleasure bond with porn
- 2. Frequent and unrestricted access
- 3. medicating distress with porn
- 4. Difficulty with intimacy
- question: what takes me deeper into porn ?
Chapter 4 To see or not to see - the consequences of porn
* the negative consequences of using pornography
- 1. I'm easly irritated and depressed
- 2. I've become isolated from other people
- 3. I am sexually objectifying people
- 4. I am neglecting important areas of my life
- 5. I'm having problems with sex
- 5a. Top 10 sexual problems using porn
- 6. I'm making my partner unhappy
- 7. I'm feeling bad about myself
- 8. I am engaging in risky and dangerous behaviour
- 9. I've become addicted to porn - craving - can't control it - continuing despite consequences
* taking porn problems seriously or not
* the negative consequences of using pornography
- 1. I'm easly irritated and depressed
- 2. I've become isolated from other people
- 3. I am sexually objectifying people
- 4. I am neglecting important areas of my life
- 5. I'm having problems with sex
- 5a. Top 10 sexual problems using porn
- 6. I'm making my partner unhappy
- 7. I'm feeling bad about myself
- 8. I am engaging in risky and dangerous behaviour
- 9. I've become addicted to porn - craving - can't control it - continuing despite consequences
* taking porn problems seriously or not
Chapter 5 Partners in pain
* stage 1 being in the dark
Little or no knowledge of partners porn involvement
* stage 2 the shock of discovery
partners react differently - it's devastating
* stage 3 emotional wounds
Can I trust him, I lost respect for him, feeling sexually unattractive
* stage 4 trying to cope
becoming a porn cop, competing with porn, getting outside support
* stage 1 being in the dark
Little or no knowledge of partners porn involvement
* stage 2 the shock of discovery
partners react differently - it's devastating
* stage 3 emotional wounds
Can I trust him, I lost respect for him, feeling sexually unattractive
* stage 4 trying to cope
becoming a porn cop, competing with porn, getting outside support
Chapter 6 Hitting bottom
4 different stories: one being caught, second one hit the mental bottom, next one got caught by pastor and last went into dangerous situation
4 different stories: one being caught, second one hit the mental bottom, next one got caught by pastor and last went into dangerous situation
Chapter 7 Getting motivated to quit porn
* acknowledge how porn use causes you problems
* identify what matters most to you
* face your fears
* take responsibility for your own recovery
* acknowledge how porn use causes you problems
* identify what matters most to you
* face your fears
* take responsibility for your own recovery
Chapter 8 Six basic action steps
* step 1 tell someone else about your porn problem
* step 2 get involved in any treatment program
* step 3 create a porn free environment
* step 4 establish 24 hour support and accountability
* step 5 take care of your physical and emotional health
* step 6 start healing your sexuality - difference between porn related sex and healthy sex
* step 1 tell someone else about your porn problem
* step 2 get involved in any treatment program
* step 3 create a porn free environment
* step 4 establish 24 hour support and accountability
* step 5 take care of your physical and emotional health
* step 6 start healing your sexuality - difference between porn related sex and healthy sex
Chapter 9 handling and preventing relapses
* what is a porn relapse?
* why do people relapse
* what is the progression of a relapse
Porn free zone -> trigger territory -> level 1 thinking about using porn -> level 2 accessing porn -> level 3 using porn as a sexual outlet (full scale)
* how to reverse a relapse
1. Stop 2. get away from porn thought 3. calm 4. reach out support 5. reaffirm
* preventing future relapses
1. Knowing your triggers 2. Respecting your limits
* going deeper into the healing process to prevent relapse
* what is a porn relapse?
* why do people relapse
* what is the progression of a relapse
Porn free zone -> trigger territory -> level 1 thinking about using porn -> level 2 accessing porn -> level 3 using porn as a sexual outlet (full scale)
* how to reverse a relapse
1. Stop 2. get away from porn thought 3. calm 4. reach out support 5. reaffirm
* preventing future relapses
1. Knowing your triggers 2. Respecting your limits
* going deeper into the healing process to prevent relapse
Chapter 10 Healing as a couple
* 1 restore trust
* 2 understand your partners experience
* 3 move from anger to forgiveness
* 4 improve communication to build intimacy
* when the 4 steps are not enough
* 1 restore trust
* 2 understand your partners experience
* 3 move from anger to forgiveness
* 4 improve communication to build intimacy
* when the 4 steps are not enough
Chapter 11 A new approach to sex
* an intimacy oriented approach to sex
- Skill 1 engage in courtship - exercise: intimate mirroring
- skill 2 talk with your partner about sex
- skill 3 expand ur sensory awareness - exercise: sensory exploration
- skill 4 see your partner with new eyes - exercise: looking with love
- skill 5 increase your touch vocabulary - exercise: what type of touch is this
- skill 6 exploring the realm of sensual pleasure - exercise: sensual pleasuring
- skill 7 involve your heart in sex - exercise: hand on heart anchoring
* an intimacy oriented approach to sex
- Skill 1 engage in courtship - exercise: intimate mirroring
- skill 2 talk with your partner about sex
- skill 3 expand ur sensory awareness - exercise: sensory exploration
- skill 4 see your partner with new eyes - exercise: looking with love
- skill 5 increase your touch vocabulary - exercise: what type of touch is this
- skill 6 exploring the realm of sensual pleasure - exercise: sensual pleasuring
- skill 7 involve your heart in sex - exercise: hand on heart anchoring
Chapter 12 True freedom and fulfillment
* Recovery gets easier with time
* freedom is about making choices every day
* the personal rewards are gratifying
* utilising your success to help others
* an interest in protecting children
* celebrating true freedom and fulfillment
* Recovery gets easier with time
* freedom is about making choices every day
* the personal rewards are gratifying
* utilising your success to help others
* an interest in protecting children
* celebrating true freedom and fulfillment
Disclaimer: This is for my personal use. Contains original heading from the book.
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